How Childhood Conditioning Shapes Your Identity (And How to Reclaim It)
- Shea Ingrassia
- Jul 18
- 3 min read
As children, we arrive with a purity that can be felt even before language forms. We are whole, open, and completely connected to Source. We know joy. We know presence. We know we are loved. Then, immediately, we are shaped, we are given a name.
Before we even understand words, the world begins assigning us roles. We are called sensitive, too loud, dramatic, bossy, quiet, helpful, or difficult. These labels stick to us.
They don’t just describe us—they start to define us. The adults around us, responding from their own wounds and conditioning, praise some aspects of us and punish others. They teach us what earns love and what pushes it away. We adapt. We mold. We begin to separate from the truth of who we are.
Soon after, the world reinforces this separation.
We learn from our peers what makes us liked or left out. We watch media and internalize what beauty looks like, how success sounds, and what is acceptable or admired. We sit in classrooms that prioritize obedience and performance over authenticity. Many of us receive religious, cultural, or familial messaging that associates worth with behavior or beliefs.
And so, piece by piece, the identity of the True Self becomes covered up. What remains is a constructed self—a performance of who we learned we should be in order to stay safe, accepted, or loved. This self may succeed on the outside. This self may play the roles very well. But something often feels missing. Because it is.
The deeper truth of you never left. But it has been buried under years of survival programming, cultural expectations, and repeated messaging that told you who you could be and what you were allowed to desire.
This is the human ache of forgetting.
And it is the soul’s call to remember.
When we forget the Self, disconnection sets in. We begin to abuse the body with food, drink, substances, overworking, or by staying stuck in a sedentary life that keeps us numb. We pursue attention or validation through flirting, attention, and casual sex, hoping it will fill the space where self-love used to live. We surround ourselves with noise to avoid the silence. We replay internal criticism and allow the voices of others to live on in our own thoughts. We tolerate relationships that mirror our lack of self-worth. We limit our dreams before they even have a chance to breathe, all because someone once told us we were too much, too weird, too ambitious, too emotional, too big.
Too much for them, maybe. But never too much for Source.
This is how the conditioning shows up. We carry counter-intentions without realizing it—limiting beliefs that were never ours. Words spoken decades ago still echo in our minds. We live under the influence of voices that aren’t even present anymore.
But the good news is this: the true You never left. They're still here.
You are not fixed. You are not stuck. Personality is not permanent. The version of you that exists today is shaped by what you believe and what you say about yourself. Identity is flexible. It is created through language, memory, focus, and repetition. If you were given an identity once, you can give yourself a new one now.
You are a soul with limitless potential. Your Source is God, Creator, Spirit—and you are one with that Source. When you remember this, everything changes. You begin to see your desires as divine. You begin to feel the joy and wholeness that comes from alignment. You start to make new choices. You take new actions. You embody the truth of who you are.
How do you connect with this Self again? You start with belief. You choose to trust that something deeper has always been true about you.
You begin to build faith, moment by moment, breath by breath. You learn to quiet the noise. You practice stillness. You give your attention to the inner voice that has always been there.
You speak new words over yourself. You say: I am whole. I am loved. I am free to become.
You listen for your own wisdom. You begin to honor it. You show up for yourself in ways you were never shown. You protect your energy. You follow your joy.
This is the journey of coming home to yourSelf. And it is always available to you.
You are not broken. You are buried. You are not too much. You are exact. You are not separate. You are connected.
And every single step you take toward remembering that is a sacred one.
If your soul feels stirred by this message, I invite you to join me. Each week, I host a free sacred gathering where we remember together.
(Optional meditation begins at 9:40 am PST)
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